Abridged Episode #5
Cast (in order of appearance): Alexis, Syrus, Fangirl, Jaden, Banner, Pharaoh, Crowler, Narrator, Duelist, Bob, Director, Assistant, Assistant #2, Pegasus
Running Time: 9:33
Episode Title: The Arrival Of Susan
Alexis: Syrus was supposed to meet me here for extreme making out hours ago. Wonder where he is.
Syrus: THAT REALLY IS THE LAST TIME I TAKE DIRECTIONS FROM A BLIND GUY!!! Huh? What’s that in there? A Dark Magician! Wow, I’ll take that and become the new main character! A- wait what the hell?
Fangirl: I’m a Syrus fangirl! Let’s go play you with Chumley! Ahahahahahaha!
Syrus: Wait what the hell? NOOOOO!!!
Jaden: And then what did you do?
Syrus: Huh? Oh! Then I got bored, so I came here. And on the way, I found some cards.
Jaden: What? You mean these?
Jaden: Who the hell put a Sinister Serpent in their deck?
Syrus: I don’t know. Probably some low life stupid old-
Banner: Ah! There are my cards, I have been looking everywhere for them.
Jaden & Syrus: Professor Banner!
Syrus: Hey there Pharaoh.
Jaden: Hey! I just realized. Why do you have Pharaoh? I thought you weren’t allowed pets on Duel Academy.
Banner: No Jaden. Pharaoh is not my pet. He is my partner.
Syrus: What, you mean like married? Aha aha aha.
Banner: Yes Syrus. Pharaoh and I are married.
Syrus: You’re- you’re serious?
Syrus: You swear to God?
Banner: Yes Syrus. Why would I lie? Do you think I am a liar Syrus?
Syrus: No! Not at all! I don’t think you’re a liar Mr. Banner Sir.
Banner: Well that’s good Syrus. Because for a minute I thought you had something against a man and a cat being together.
Syrus: No, no no no. I don’t have anything against it. I mean I- I- I couldn’t have because um… I’m gay! Yeah. With Jaden!
Banner: Good, cause I was kidding.
Jaden: You bastard.
(Title Sequence, Jindou's "Rising Weather Hallelujah" plays)
Jaden: You do realize that Alexis is still waiting for you?
Pause. Everyone shocked
Jaden: No, you’re right. She can make her own way back.
Banner: But anyway, the reason why I came here was to tell you, not to go to the abandoned dorm!
Jaden: The what?
Banner: The abandoned dorm Jaden! It's the creepiest place on Duel Academy. Many have gone, never to return. You must never go there. Or you will be subjected to horrible terrors. Do you understand?
Syrus: (farting noise)
Banner: Well, it’s getting late. Good night boys.
Syrus: Man that’s scary.
Syrus: Jaden! Don’t you even think about it. It’ll just be another bad experience. Remember that time you tried marijuana?
Jaden: WHERE THE F*CK ARE MY CHEETOS?!
Syrus: Oh god it’s happened again!
Jaden: Syrus, where are they?
Syrus: I don't know Jaden!
Jaden: Okay, your choice
Syrus: No not the good china!
Jaden: Give me my Cheetos Syrus. If I don't have them, I'm gonna die.
Syrus: For the love of God, I don't have your Cheetos.
Jaden: Liar! Give me the Cheetos Syrus. Give them to me! Give me the Cheetos you son of a bitch!
Syrus: Oh my face! Oh my hair! Oh my God. Okay THAT'S IT!
Syrus: (breaths heavily) F*cking stoner!
Jaden: Yeahthat'sgreatnobodycares! Let's go to the dorm!
Syrus: My blue hair senses danger.
Crowler: Oh I just love eavesdropping! I hear such tasty gossip! This is better than what I heard outside of Alexis' room. And that was pretty filthy. So, they want a scare do they? Well, I'll scare them so much, it'll make Freddy and Jason seem like Care Bears!
Caption: Meanwhile. In somewhere that's NOT the Toolshed.
Narrator: Meanwhile. In somewhere that's NOT the Toolshed.
Duelist: AH! The fog! It burns!
Bob: Maybe that'll teach you not to wear sunglasses at night! And now, I want your soul.
Duelist: But what value does that have to you?
Bob: I don't know, but I'm taking it anyway.
Bob: Ha ha ha! I've killed you!
Director: No, that's the wrong line!
Bob: Oh yes. This is the 4Kids edit. Okay. Take two. (Clears throat)
Caption: Take Two (God Damn 4Kids)
Bob: Ahahaha! I've sent you to the Shadow Realm! Which is absolutly harmless! Hahaha! Is that better?
Director: Much Better!
Bob: I swear if I have to change my lines one more time for 4Kids, I'm gonna go over there and personally kick their-
(Interrupted by ringing phone)
Bob: Ah- I'm sorry guys. That's me.
Assistant: Bob! We said you're not allowed any phones while we're recording!
Bob: I know, I know. I'm sorry guys. Let me just take this really quick.
Assistant #2: You got 2 minutes Bob.
Pegasus: Ooohh hello Bobby-boy! It's me!
Bob: Pegasus? I thought I had your number blocked.
Pegasus: Well I think you know I have a way of getting around. ahahahaha!
Bob: Yeah. (Beep) Uh can you hang on a minute? I've got another call to take.
Pegasus: Well aren't you Mr. Popular?
Bob: Yeah. Hello? What's that? You want me to scare kids at Duel Academy? Well I honestly have nothing better to do. Sure!
Jaden: Okay guys, here's the rundown. Um, we're lost and it's all Syrus' fault.
Syrus: What? Jaden, you're the one leading us.
Jaden: Well Chumley hasn't said or done anything for five episodes, and I'm not gonna blame it on myself, am I?
Syrus: Oh I suppose...
Crowler: (Singing) My golem lives over the ocean.
Bob: I'm here.
Crowler: It's you! You're-
Bob: I am the bringer of destruction and chaos.
Crowler: I'm going to call you Susan.
Crowler: I think it suits you. Do ya like it? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?
Susan: Stop that.
Syrus: Well there it is. The Abandoned Dorm. The Scary Marry, the Monster Mash and the Haunted House. The Killer-
Jaden: Syrus if you say one more thing I swear to God I'm gonna pop you! Hey there Alexis. What are you doing out here.
Alexis: Waiting for 2 hours for Syrus to come and meet me!
Syrus: Oh I knew I forget something!
Alexis: Anyway, it may interest you to know that my brother disappeared when he went inside that place. And he hasn't returned since.
Jaden: (sarcastically) No. You don't say. Let's go inside.
Syrus: But Jaden! You can't go in there!
Jaden: (from far away) And why's that Syrus?!
Syrus: Um uh- uuh.. there's fanboys in there!
Jaden: (still a ways away) I know! And they're all for you!
Syrus: Really? Oh hell I'm coming!
Susan: Why hello there.
Alexis: AAAAAHHHHH! No touchy.
(sickening smacking noise)
Susan: Ah! strait in my Life Points!
Jaden: Wow look at these hieroglyphics! Millennium Items? Millennium Rod? Ha ha.. Rod.
Jaden: Oh my God! That sounded like- um.. uh...
Jaden: Syrus, we can play "State the Obvious" later! Right now, we gotta save her!
Syrus: Look! She's over there
Jaden: Once again, thank you Captain Obvious.