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Abridged Episode #2
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Cast (in order of appearance): Pilot, Student, Jaden Yuki, Announcer, Chancellor Sheppard, Narrator, Syrus Truesdale, Chazz Princeton, Operator, Computer,

Date: August 30, 2009

Running Time: 7:50

Episode Title: Chazz Jenkins  


(Intro: Chopper heading towards Duel Academy Island)

PILOT: If you look to your left, you will see your home for the next four years, filled with Shadow Riders, a white dorm, alternative universes, and the main character turning unexplainingly evil.

STUDENT #1: Did that guy just ruin four whole seasons?

PILOT: Shut up and enjoy the view! Coincidentally, if you look to your right, you will see the bar where my wife is a stripper at.

EVERYONE: Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

JADEN: Ruin four what now?

(Title Sequence, Jindou's "Rising Weather Hallelujah"  plays)

(In Duel Academy's main hall)

ANNOUNCER: (monotonously) Everybody report to the hall. There will be cake, honest. We have given you uniforms to socially divide you. Best friends from best friends. Brothers from brothers. Hint hint. Syrus Trusdale.

SHEPPARD: Hello, everybody! Thank you for coming! I would come and see you in person, but as you know, I'm far too important for that. Is that Jaden sleeping? That's it, I'm getting all principal on your ass! Just for that, you're getting the over-sized toolshed with the room with the kid that nobody likes. Feel free to insult him while I watch with a mocking smile!

STUDENT #1: Oh Jaden, you douche!

STUDENT #2: What am I supposed to tell my girlfriend?!

STUDENT #3: My mom's gonna kill me!

STUDENT #4: I'm allergic to toolsheds!

(cuts to Slifer Red dorm)

CAPTION: [Meanwhile, at the toolshed]

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, at the toolshed!

JADEN: Well, you know, this isn't all that bad. I mean, sure, we can have a few parties here, uh, have some ho's ...

SYRUS: Jaden, do I have to remind you that you're not Kovu?

JADEN: I'm sorry, Syrus, but if you just don't like Shastealer2  enough to make obscure references randomly, then you're just not cool.

SYRUS: What about cosplaying? That's cooler than the other side of the pillow!

JADEN: (thinking) Aww, great. I'm stuck with a nerd. (out loud) Anyways, Syrus, I'm gonna go see some more of those Lion King dubs.

SYRUS: (thinking) Aww, great. I'm stuck with a nerd.

(cuts to Duel Arena)

JADEN: Ok, then we take a left and- Wait a minute! This isn't the bathroom.

SYRUS: That's the last time we take directions from a blind guy!

JADEN: Blind guy? I thought those sunglasses were to make him look cool.

SYRUS: He had a guide dog with him!

JADEN: I thought that was his duel spirit.

SYRUS: No! What the hell is wrong with you?



CHAZZ'S FRIEND: Uhh, the boss wants to have some words with you.

JADEN: Look, if it's a snobby rich kid, I don't wanna know. Look, we were just trying to find the bathroom, but a guy with a dog and cool sunglasses told us to go the wrong way.

SYRUS: Oh, for the love of crap!

CHAZZ: Hey! I know you. You're that kid who beat Crowler in a duel while listening to George Michael in the background. Crowler is a great duelist. How could he lose to someone as weak as you? I'll admit that you turned it around, but don't take this as a compliment on your skills, but you were absolutely flawless.

("Absolutely Flawless" riff plays)

CHAZZ: Why does it do that everytime I say "flawless"?!

(riff plays again)

CHAZZ: SHUTUP!! I'm gonna challenge you to a duel, but first- Lunch!

(cuts to Obelisk Blue dorm dining hall, Grandia 2's "Sairam Castle"  plays)

OBELISK BLUE STUDENT: So anyway, I got him in a vice-lock and killed the bastard! (Student body cheers)

(cuts to Ra Yellow dorm dining hall)

RA YELLOW STUDENT: So anyway, Me and an Obelisk Blue got in a fight with a Slifer Red and we killed the guy! (Student body cheers) Yeah! Awesome! High five!

(cuts to Slifer Red dorm dining room)

SLIFER RED STUDENT: So we got in a fight today and my friend got killed! (Student body moans)

SLIFER RED STUDENT #2: That sucks.

SLIFER RED STUDENT #3: Someone take my beans?

(Grandia 2's "Out for Lunch"  plays)

SLIFER RED STUDENT #4: Dude, go touch the cat.

SYRUS: I'm not touching that cat.

SLIFER RED STUDENT #4: Come on, go touch the cat.

SYRUS: I'm not touching the damn cat; it might have something!

SLIFER RED STUDENT #4: I'll give you a Mokey Mokey if you do it.

SLIFER RED STUDENT #5: Gimme that damn cat.

SYRUS: Jaden, stop eating! He's about to touch the cat!

JADEN: (mouth full) Why so you obsessing about a damn cat?

(Scene pans out of toolshed, Pharaoh attacks Syrus)


CAPTION: [Meanwhile, in the toolshed]

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in the toolshed!

(cuts to Jaden's room)

JADEN: I don't believe this. The first day, and two students have already gone.

SYRUS: Well, at least we still have Chumley.

JADEN: Yeah, at least we still have- Wait a minute, who the hell is Chumley? (Syrus hands him some green tea) Oh, thank you.

SYRUS: I don't know, but apparently, he's our best friend.

JADEN: So you're telling me we have a best friend that wasn't even introduced?

SYRUS: Well, it doesn't really matter, he's leaving in a couple of episodes.

(Jaden's cell-phone rings, the ringtone is "Ring Ring Ring! Ring Ring Ring! Phone Call! Phone Call!")

JADEN: Hello? Wait a minute, what the hell? Chazz? How did you get my number?

CHAZZ: (via phone) Because! I'm extremely rich! Now, come to the duel arena and we'll- Oh crap, I'm about to run outta t-

OPERATOR: Your caller cannot continue the conversation as they are just too rich. You noob.

(Jaden and Syrus are walking down a corridor towards the duel arena)

SYRUS: You think, for such a modern building, the security would be top-notch, but the front door was left open!

CHAZZ: George Michael won't save you now!

COMPUTER: Engage Duel Disk! Engage. Choosing battle music.

(Aqua's "Barbie Girl" plays for a few seconds and then gets cut off)

COMPUTER: I apologize. That isn't my music. I don't know how it got there. My sister came over on the weekend and uploaded her songs into my database. Sincere apologies. I swear to God, I don't listen to that stuff. I like Foo Fighters. They're cool. Choosing new battle music.

(Grandia 2's "FIGHT!! Ver. 4 ~ The Final Battle"  plays)

CHAZZ: I summon this! My Lazy Zombie!

REBORN ZOMBIE: I can't be bothered.

CHAZZ: Next, I'll Set one card face down and end my turn.

JADEN: Alright, my move, time to make it count. Hey, you know what? This is actually a good hand. I think I might be able to-


JADEN: Aww, crap. I'm gonna be totally unoriginal and summon the same Fusion Monster that I did in episode 1!

CHAZZ: Heh. Noob.

JADEN: So come out and show everybody your light show, Flame Wingman!

(Flame Wingman appears, sfx: da da da da da da!)

CHAZZ: I activate Predictable Noob , which is useless in any other situation apart from this one. When you play the same move you did in episode 1, I get to take your monster, at the expense of my lazy zombie!

REBORN ZOMBIE: Uhhh, I'm going to bed.

JADEN: No! My generic monster!

CHAZZ: Is now MY generic monster! Da da da da da! Bitch!

JADEN: My generic moves are no use! I have to go to amateur! Clayman! Defense mode!

CHAZZ: You can defend all you want, but you can't escape the Hell Bastard!

HELL BASTARD: I'm such a bastard!

CHAZZ: Go monsters! Bitch-slap Jaden!

(Flame Wingman destroys Elemental HERO Clayman and confronts Jaden)

FLAME WINGMAN: (creepily) Hello, little boy!

JADEN: Uh, have mercy?

(burns him alive, Life Points reduce)


CHAZZ: Hell Bastard, attack!

HELL BASTARD: You're not my father!

(Hell Bastard attacks, Jaden moans, Life Points reduce)

CHAZZ: Then I Set one card face down and end my turn.

JADEN: Because I'm close to losing, my Sparkman comes out of my hand and it is Special Summoned to the field!

(Jaden summons Elemental HERO Sparkman)

CHAZZ: Hold on! That's not it's effect!

JADEN: Yeah? Well, You should see what happens when I summon Bubbleman. Sparkman! Attack the Hell Bastard!

(Sparkman attacks and destroys Hell Bastard, Chazz's Life Points reduce)

HELL BASTARD: Why don't I have a father?!?!?!

(Hell Bastard's sword stabs Jaden from above)

JADEN: Ahhh..

CHAZZ: Hell Bastard's special effect means that we both take the same amount of damage from that attack.

JADEN: (thinking) DAMNIT! NOW ALL THE FANGIRLS CAN SEE MY ORGASM FACE! (aloud) I Set one card face down and call it a turn.

CHAZZ: I draw. Now Flame Wingman, end this duel and attack his Sparkman!




(Wingman attacks and destroys Sparkman)

JADEN: And now, thanks to Wingman's special ablitiy, you now take damage to your Life Points equal to the ATK of the Sparkman that was just destroyed!

CHAZZ: Ah, have mercy. AHHHH...!

(Wingman attacks, Chazz's life points reduce)

SYRUS: That's the way Jaden. Now give him an offensive hand sign.

(Jaden does a V hand sign)


CHAZZ: I recover quickly, cause I'm so rich. I activate the Magic Card, Generic Hole. Because you have a generic monster on the feild. I can destroy it, and you take damage equal to half its ATK points.

(Jaden's Life Points drop)


CHAZZ: Next, I'll activate Call of the Haunted to bring back the Hell Bastard.


CHAZZ: Oh, what a little moaner. I'm goona sacrifice him to summon Hell Bastard's father!

HELL BASTARD'S FATHER: Have any of you seen my son around here ? A whiny little putz.

JADEN: Bring it on bitch!

CHAZZ: I already brought it.

SECURITY GUARD: So, in the future, card games are going to be played on motorbikes.

SECURITY GUARD 2: Yeah sure they will Bob.

(Hell Bastard's father disappears)

CHAZZ: Time's up, ready guys; let's do this - (runs off the duel stage) CHHAAZZZ PRRIINNCCEETTOONN!!

JADEN: Oh my god, he just ran away.

SECURITY GUARD: (enters) Hey! What are you doing in here ?


SECURITY GUARD: Damn, those kids are fast.

SECURITY GUARD 2: Shouldn't we go after them?

SECURITY GUARD: We could, but we could do this. (lights a smoke, puffs it) So, what were you saying about card games on motorbikes?

JADEN: (turns a card around to show Monster Reborn) You see this card? It's banned. It's called Monster Reborn. Luckly, the duel was called off early, otherwise I could've been disqualifed for have an illegal card in my deck.

SYRUS: But Jaden, Monster Reborn isn't banned anymore.

JADEN: What?! (sobs) I have to get out of here.

SYRUS: (runs after Jaden) Wait, I haven't told you that Jinzo has been made into 3!


(subtitle: Many thanks to xthedarkone for taking part) WebRep currentVote  noRatingnoWeight