Abridged Series Wiki
Advertisement

Narrator: Previously on...Tintin Abridged!

Narrator 2: This is Yu-Gi-Oh!. The beginning of it in the ancient sets and in Spanish instead of Egyptian. And we deal burritos from Chipotle (which were originally spherical) instead of cards!

Radio Host: And now you are caught up with Tintin Radio! Oh man, I wish I had a real radio show. This is lonely (and it's too expensive).

Thomson/Thompson: Hello, Tintin. My TV broke last night and I am on a mission to fix it. Now, do you have any glass? Any shattered glass? Because...I need it. Because the screen broke!

Tintin: ...Marijuana pie is good.

Thomson/Thompson: Why must you ignore me?! Waaaa...

Intruder: I'm a naked man, free with naked burritos. I mean ancient.

Tintin: This is the guy who I want to draw a swastika on his forehead as an April Fool's joke tomorrow. And here he is...only aware of the fishies in his brain! Hey Thompson, I found some glass for you!

Thomson/Thompson: Ah, good, you were listening.

Tintin: So we can play the glass game! Where two people take pieces of glass, shatter it in front of themselves, blindfold themselves, and then try and complete the jigsaw puzzle you just created!

Thomson/Thompson: Waaaa...

Calculus: My pendulum is suggesting I go to the bathroom. Better piss in the forest. Ooh, looks like a nice penis pierce.

Snowy: I'm sniffing for drugs.

Jazz Phone Radio Host: Now, for our Jazz Phone Radio special, our favorite radio listener, planning to start his own radio show, Tintin...Theadventuresof! So, Tintin... [Drunken Waltz] Oh no. Did Tintin forget to come on at the right time? What?! He was so excited to! What the fuck? [Dream's End] This makes me so sad...makes me want to play slow jazz...I'll never believe someone again. Never! Never again! [Easy Feeling] I never said I pinky...said so!

Captain: Taking a nightly drive sure is great, Tintin. Let's go to Chipotle.

Tintin: You said it! Wait a moment...oh, shit! I forgot about the Jazz Phone Radio!

Captain: Hey, look at that llama! Let's have sex with him.

Abdullah If He Were More Mature, Except He's Still Pretty Freaking Un-mature: Do not touch the Llama of Rama.

Captain: But why not? Such a cutie boy! ...That's Captain's famous spit! Hope you like it, llama!

Thomson/Thompson: I succeeded in my mission to fix the TV.

Smoking Lover: And I love smoking!

Tintin: I do love smoking as well, yes, very much.

Captain: (Where did I leave that gay porno mag I brought?)

Thomson/Thompson: (Where did we leave that mission we brought?)

Thomson/Thompson: We would like to buy this glass of wine. It is very important to drink in the middle of a mission. It is good for your health.

Captain: Oh, I don't know...the birds seem to signal drinking is bad. See? I told you.

Thomson/Thompson: Hahaha, he came on him! Hey, wait a second...

(They all laugh)

Narrator: Later in the day...

Tintin: It sure is nice to go rowing! Especially when people do it for me.

Captain: You are a fucking asshole.

Tintin: I'm gonna beat you up, Captain, because I'm high with snow-y...hey, look! It's the Salem Chipotle! I really wish I wasn't just repelled [sic] to go to where I hate. But I am. For sure.

Tintin: They didn't have to make the line area so long! No one's here!

Chipotle Visitor: Hello. Where is the line for this Chipotle?

Secret Society Member: This IIIIIISSSS the line!! Yoooouuuu American people expect so much from the Spanish! The Spanish [unintelligible]!

Tintin: I'm finally on a hunt to try and steal a burrito! You get a free burrito for it. ...I just remembered! I forgot to update my Twitter! "Picking up old bitches"...except the bitch is a man. That strong! (On-screen text: She wears those weight bracelet thingies! THAT strong indeed!)

Secret Society Member: Halt. I caught you trying to steal a burrito. There is a death penalty for that. Not in this country, but there is!

Tintin: But I didn't actually steal one!

Secret Society Member: Alright, fine then. Get lost.

Captain: I wonder what's so good about this Jazz Phone Radio thingy-dingy.

Jazz Phone Radio Host: Hello?... Tintin... Tintin, where aaaaare you? Come, we will wait for you forever!...UUEEEAAAAaalaalaaaa...

Captain: Yeah, I really don't see the merit. Not a big fan of the commentary.

Banshee: IIIIIIIHHHHHHHH!!!

Captain: What? The banshee's on the phone!

Thomson/Thompson: We are on an important mission to find the call phone that I dropped in the beach yesterday, when I was swimming-scraba-daba-doing for fun! Fun is terrible...

Thomson/Thompson: Hey, it's an egg yolk on a string! That's good luck.

Secret Society Member: I told you. Only an ID card if you want to go to the strip club.

Tintin: But I told you, they wouldn't give me an ID card because I didn't have a last name! It's no fair!

Secret Society Member: Just hold on to my hand. It will all be okay!

(Musical interlude)

Tintin: So people think I'm that...gay?

Abdullah If He Were More Mature, Except He's Still Pretty Freaking Un-mature: Hello! Want to be pals? You are already my pal, but am I your pal? You don't deserve it! You can call me Abdullah If He Were More Mature, Except I'm Still Pretty Freaking Un-mature!

Tintin: Ah, yes. Here was my favorite hot spring. Time to get naked. ...Yeah, Snowy, you have to watch! ...Actually, I wanna rock climb. It's my favorite activity! ...Besides Scrabble, and Naruto Clash of Ninja... Now let's go reverse rock climbing. My second favorite hobby. See?! Even the BIRDS love it! ...I'm Mario!

Anteater: Hey, Captain. I'm Uncle the Anteater! Do you have any drugs that I could eat? No? That's quite a shame! Quite a shahayhshshahshame indeed!

Abdullah If He Were More Mature, Except He's Still Pretty Freaking Un-mature: Check out my beautiful acrobatic skills!

Tintin: No.

Abdullah If He Were More Mature, Except He's Still Pretty Freaking Un-mature: Oh, fuck you, you asshole! There's a hole in my ass, and it's all your fault!

Captain: (Get me out of my mind! Get me out of my mind!)

Abdullah If He Were More Mature, Except He's Still Pretty Freaking Un-mature: I smell Munchkins!

Tintin: This Dunkin' Donuts needs more repair than Andover's back in 2013. Crawl into the donut hole! Augh, that tasted like shit! (Sees screeching mummies) You don't put human meat in donuts...actually, you probably do.

Snowy: It's a dildo!

Tintin: Ahh, rub the smooth skin of iced coffee...

(Wall opening caves in, they are surrounded by secret society members)

Tintin: Oof, looks like I iced that one..."LOL - Tintin"...can I have a tuna croissant, too?...nah?...I'm really nervous. What the fuck is this shit?! Don't kill me! "I was killed by a donut! What a saaaaad story!" Just stop pointing those things at me. Please! It makes me get horny. In a bad way, 'cause it's traumatizing me with the memory associations! ...Oh, no! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Secret Society Leader: We are the Order of the True Spanish Nation. Chipotle have brainwashed our society into thinking their food is more Spanish than ours. We are trying to sneak the drug pods of the Spanish into the donuts of Dunkin' Donuts. Because they let us! It is a slow-forming secret society that will eventually bring order of the true Spanish food back to the world and Spain, instead of Chipotle's evilness of shit.

Captain: Hey! I like Chipotle!

Secret Society Leader: Well, heyyyy...in this society, of secret society, we burn you, and there is a death penalty for saying that. So die!

Tintin: I agree! Chipotle sucks its own fucking dick!!

Secret Society Leader: I do not believe you! Because you are friends with someone who doesn't think it sucks its own fucking dick. So I'm gonna kill you too!

Tintin: Aw, come on! I'll give you Tintin's special Mexican donut surprise if you let me go, and the Captain!

Secret Society Leader: Oh, really? Then sure. You can go.

Tintin: Oh, that actually worked? It was kind of...a lie...

Secret Society Leader: Oh my God, you are fucking so dead! ...But first, I need my all-important fan break! Aaahhh, the fan, ooohhhooooo, feels so good! ...I'm a white boy, I mean a Mexican man...oh laaa daaa, the donuts...hahah--

Tintin: We escaped while you were gone, and we're on a video chat right now.

Secret Society Leader: Curses, smothered again! I shall get my revenge on you Chipotle [unintelligible]...some day...eventually...

(On-screen text: TO BE CONTINUED...)

(On-screen text: nah he can go fuck himself)

(On-screen text: this is Honey Pie who says goodbunnybye)

Advertisement