Abridged Series Wiki

Narrator: The following video is a fan-based parody of a fan-based parody. Just kidding! Only a fan-based parody. But you know what I mean!

Tintin: First we'll go here, then we'll go there! This vacation is so fun! ...A porn magazine! Yay! Oh, shit, it blew away!

Sarcophagus: My porn!

Servicer: Young sir, would you like some wine?

Servicee: No, thank you. I prefer caviaaaaah!

(Intro: Midnight)

Tintin: Time to do my exercises! HUEEEGH! Feel the burn!

Sarcophagus: Hello, Tintin.

Tintin: Who are you?

Sarcophagus: I am a doctor!

Tintin: Oh! On what kind of bagel?

Luigi: Or, is it the bagel?

Sacrophagus: I didn't say anything! Uuuhhh, I got a heart attaaaaaa--*cough*! Now I've recovered! Anyway, you want to go to the desert with me? We can throw things down there!

Tintin: No.

Sarcophagus: Fuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkk yyyyyooooooouuuuoooaaaaaaggggghhhh!!

Tintin: Okay, I'll do it for another heart attack.

(heart attack)

Tintin: Fine, I'll go with you...but only for a little.

Sarcophagus: Yyyyyaaaaayyyyyyyy!

M. Night: You bumped into me! I will never forgive you!

Tintin: I want to do it instead!

M. Night: No. I have terrible breath and now you have to smell it.

Tintin: Anyways, I need to piss. Where's the bathroom?

Thomson/Thompson: Now remember, Thompson. We're on a mission. Don't get distracted by the stripper like last time. We don't want cum on the opium again! ...Thomson, you came on it again! It's too gray!

Tintin: Yeah! Mine's way blacker.

Sarcophagus: Aren't you glad you came with me?

Tintin: Well, if Thomson hadn't came on our opium...

Sarcophagus: Look at this rock! I'll add it to my collection.

Tintin: Hey, I found a joint! Let's smoke it!

(King's Cross fever dream)

Tintin: That was good! That was good! ...Can you pass me some beer?

Sarcophagus: But I want aaaallll of it!

Tintin: Oh, you little bastard. I'm after you! ...On second thought, I'm fucked.

Narrator: Until the evil ship came to save the day! Hooray!

Allan: Look over there! It's Tintin!

Crew Member: We should pick him up.

Allan: No! I mean yes! And why are you showing me a naked drawing of your sister?

Crew Member: That's a map...

Allan: Okay. I'm just thinking about her! Not that I fuck your sister every night in her cabin. No, no, I'm not a bad boy! (crushes naked map) It's over 9000!

Crew Member: What, 9000?!

Sarcophagus: There's no waaaayyyy that can be riiiiiggghhhhtttt...

Tintin: Wah-hoh! I'm surfin'! You like this, Snowy? ...It's a tsunami! In America!


Tintin: Ah. Of course I was dreaming!

Mexican Bababadobadalkata: Yeah, Tintin! There's no such thing as an American tsunami! Ha ha ha!

(Tintin realizes)

Mexican Bababadobadalkata: I am a Mexican Bababadobadalkata!

Tintin: Sorry, man. I'm racist. And I won't change that.

Mexican Bababadobadalkata: Whaaaat?! How could you be racist when we make burritos?!

Tintin: Yeah, I've had enough Chipotle for one lifetime... Come to think of it, I'm on a ship. Goddamn Mexican ships...

Mexican Ship Crew Member: Greetings, young master. I am the captain's father!

Tintin: Really?

Mexican Ship Crew Member: No, I lied.

Tintin: Why, look over there! An entire city made out of stone!

Tintin: Hey, I recognize this setting. It looks like an inaccurate version of the Avatar world.

Actress: Don't make me act in this film!

Actor: We'll do what Shyamalan says! (Tintin trips him) Ow! My penis!

Tintin: Don't worry. I won't let Shyamalan make this film if he's gonna ruin it.

Snowy: Isn't that right, little big man?

M. Night: I am back, Tintin! And I am M. Night Shyamalaaaan!

Tintin: That explains a lot.

M. Night: Ha ha! I don't care if I'm mean. And I don't care what you think! But this movie's going to be great! And everybody will love it! And it'll be really accurate! Don't you worry, everything will be fine! Why don't you have a cup of opium with me in my tent?

Tintin: Don't mind if I do!

(10 days later)

Thomson/Thompson: Where's Tintin?

Thomson/Thompson: He's right over there!

Tintin: Hey, Thompsons. I'll smoke with you once I finish sweepin'!

Thomson/Thompson: No, we are on a mission right now!

Tintin: I can play parcheesi later! But right now we've gotta...escape and punch people.

Tintin (punching): Want the Hawaiian Punch?!

Tintin (pointing): I'm Phoenix Wright! (And Professor Layton.)

Tintin (piloting): It was nice of the Thompsons to give me their jet plane, wasn't it, Snowy?

Thomson/Thompson: We never said you could have it, you non-missionaire! ...Oh no! I can't see! Help!

Tintin: I'm going to land the plane! All you have to do is crash it. This switch makes it fun to fiddle!

(Plane crashes)

Tintin (hanging from tree): Time to do more exercises! WWWWAAAALLLLPAPADDAHHH!!! I FEEL SO GOOOD...EEEIIIIHHHH!!! (lets go of branch) Parkour!

Tintin: I left some of the Thompsons' special black opium on my hand! Time to LICK IT! *slurp* MMMMM, IT'S SOOO GOOODDD, EEEEIIIHHH...

Sarcophagus: Hello, Tintin!

Tintin: Shrek ref! (pulls dart from Sarcophagus's neck)

Sarcophagus: YYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWaaaaaeeeeeehhhhhh...that hurt.

Tintin: I'd lick that dart if it didn't have his SHIT juice on it!

Dunning Smith: Hello, good sir. This is Hotel Dusk! Would you like the Wish Room? Only 400 dollars!

Sarcophagus: I want the Wish Room! I want to meet my daughter again! PLEEEEAAASSSEEE!!

Tintin: I'll take the Wish Room.

Sarcophagus: You little fucking [unintelligible]!!

Granny Snickers: I'm Granny Snickers! Do you want to watch me perform magic tricks?

Papa Milky Way: I am Papa Milky Way.

Dunning Smith: Here is our vending machine. Would you like a knife from it? ...Oh no! I dropped it!

Tintin: I feel like going to the hospital, because they always give out free lollipops!

(10 days later)

Hospital Bouncer: For your lollipop, there is a challenge! You must look at me for ten seconds, without being disturbed! 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...

Tintin: I give up!

Snowy: I'm pissed at his balls!

Tintin: Ouch, my vagina! ...He fainted? Now I can steal his lollipops!

Hospital Worker: Hey Tintin, you just won the padded cell raffle! You own a padded cell, and you can put anyone you want in it!

Tintin: I told them they were crazy when they told me not to make those raffles!

Hospital Worker: I agree!

Tintin: This is awesome!

Hospital Worker 2: Hey Tintin, would you like some cupcakes?

Tintin: No! [actual dialogue] I don't like cupcakes!

Hospital Worker 2: Ew, cupcake batter!

Tintin: Jogging is another good exercise! Feel the burn! ...Whoa! The floor is too slippery...

Bystander: I smoke...bitch. [Footnote: With the recycled character]

Tintin: Ah, much better on the grass. Whee! Hey, it's the Hogwarts Express! I've always wanted to go to Hogwarts! Please, let your warthog be! ...Fuck you, Snowy. You can't go!

(Happiness is a Warm Gun)

Thomson/Thompson: We're going too!

Tintin: Nice! Best first year ever!

Thomson/Thompson: You mean first mission?

(10 days later)

Tintin: I'm tired of Hogwarts. I think I'm gonna get expelled by pissing on Dumbledore's beard.

Thomson/Thompson: Same here, plus opium!

(Outro: Hotel Dusk)