"Look at the new porn book! Can I buy it? ...I take it as a yes!"
The Adventures of Tintin: The Abridged Series is an abridged series created by cyanrazorCel that began in October 2014. All of the writing, editing, and acting is done by him. While it retains some elements from the source material, its surrealist presentation stretches the concept of a parody to much greater lengths than other abridged series.
For the most part, similarities to The Adventures of Tintin begin and end with the source visuals. Episodic and overarching plots are entirely unique to the abridged series, and characters are extreme and absurd deviations from their original counterparts, sometimes with no recognizable elements in common (even their names).
Being an abridged series, each episode is shorter than its original counterpart. However, their order and how they connect is spontaneous. For example, the first episode is based on The Secret of the Unicorn and the second Cigars of the Pharaoh, both parts of different story arcs and taking place on opposite ends of Captain Haddock's introduction.
The series is characterized by surrealist humor, with common recurring gags including:
- Tintin and Captain Haddock are a couple, and most of the other characters are gay as well to account for the lack of females.
- The many questionable and deadly business practices of Chipotle, impacting the characters and attracting the attention of other restaurant franchises. The location in Salem (state not specified) is especially notorious as a testing ground for them.
- The main cast's great affinity for opium, cocaine, and alcohol. Taverns are known for serving the first two.
- Tintin's obsession with the Jazz Phone Radio, a radio station accessible by phone that plays jazz.
- Tintin is relatively sure his favorite activity is rock climbing, but not completely.
- Tintin and the Captain sometimes say their passwords to Internet services by accident.
- "I never said I pinky promised!"
- "Daaaamn you!"
Episodes generally begin with sequences of bizarre and incongruous lines that are then expanded on and explained throughout the rest of the episode using the source video material.
Tintin: An aggressive, impulsive, and insensitive traveller whose primary interests include opium, the Jazz Phone Radio, and his love-hate relationship with Chipotle. Constantly antagonizes the other characters, and unlike them, is never on the receiving end of such actions himself.
The Captain: Tintin's primary companion and romantic partner, united by a similar demeanor and attitude toward life, although less cynical. (Never referred to as "Captain Haddock".)
Thomson and Thompson: Two agents who are always "on a mission" that explains their actions for the episode. Despite being part of the police force, they manufacture both cocaine and a unique brand of "special black opium".
Professor Calculus: A clueless academic who frequently accompanies Tintin and the Captain. Casually enjoys amateur opera and singing.
Snowy: Tintin's dog, whose low-voiced internal monologue can sometimes be heard. The most tame of the bunch by far.
M. Night Shyamalan: Taking the place of Tintin's arch-nemesis Rastapopoulos, often seen directing a film the other characters find distasteful.
Episode 01 - The Secret of the Unicorn: Tintin purchases a coveted model ship. He and the Captain visit a Chipotle in Salem. The two are attacked by another gay couple trying to steal their stock of cocaine.
Episode 02 - Cigars of the Pharaoh: Tintin interferes in the production of the movie The Last Airbender. In the process, he wins a raffle for a padded cell and spends a night in the Wish Room at Hotel Dusk.
Episode 03 - Flight 714: The main cast take a flight to a deserted island. Following a series of misadventures, they become stranded in the ocean and M. Night Shyamalan is driven to resign from directing.
Episode 03.5 - The Lost Episode (Destination Moon): Tintin gets the Captain fired from his job by spreading the rumor that all of his porn is in JPEG format. Professor Calculus ends up filling his position. Originally withheld from release as the creator wasn't comfortable with its content, but later released in an unfinished state.
Episode 05 - Prisoners of the Sun: Tintin and the Captain become caught in the crossfire of a secret plot against Chipotle's business, surviving the wrath of restaurant warfare by the skin of their teeth.
Episode 06 - The Broken Ear: Tintin's life is targeted by two rogue GameStop employees, and then, following an incident with a Japanese prostitute, ends up on an island with an uncontacted tribe. In a moment of lucidity, he realizes he hallucinated some of the events.
Episode 07 - Tintin In America: Tintin unintentionally aids a sabotage against the boss of Chipotle, and fulfills his dream of becoming a knight with a gun.
Episode 08 - Explorers On The Moon: The crew travels to space accompanied by Calculus's twin brother. Tintin joins forces with the Jazz Phone Radio, Dunkin' Donuts, and disgruntled employees in an operation against corrupt Chipotle executives.
Episode 08.5 (Tintin and the Picaros; officially untitled): A shapeshifting deity and a Comcast employee interfere with everyday life at Marlinspike Hall. In the creator's words, "unfinished and diminished".
[NSFW] Episode 09 - The Black Island: The Thompsons struggle to fulfill their agreement to buy Tintin a chili dog. Tintin falls into Hell when running from cyborgs, but remains alive. After escaping, he performs a stunt for 10 million dollars. Following a timeskip, he buys the Thompsons a plane, steals a boat, and confronts Trayvon Martin's reincarnation.
[NSFW] Episode 10 - The Blue Lotus: Tintin foils the activities of a sexual trafficking ring led by Mitsuhirato and Klaus Kinski. At the end, he leaves on a boat to signal the start of an indefinite series hiatus (lasting from June 2017 to September 2019).
The Making of Tintin Abridged: A handful of actors are interviewed about their roles in the series. Mocks many aspects of "Making of" documentaries.
Episode 11 - The Crab with the Golden Claws: Tintin and the Thompsons square off against a violent anti-Asian gang. The Captain attempts to spearhead the creation of 7-Up-flavored cake, sparking a worldwide controversy.
Episode 12 - Land of Black Gold: Tintin undergoes a phase of financial turbulence, and later helps an old friend with a door-to-door scam operation. Abdullah is revealed as responsible for the 9/11 attacks. The Captain begins to adopt a more positive mindset.
Episode 13 - The Shooting Star: Tintin goes to California in the midst of wildfires to visit the grandson of Herman Melville. A businessman attempting to defame the owner of Papa John's is arrested. Tintin visits an island that he suspects has Biblical connections.
The series quickly attracted a lot of negative attention for its style of humor and editing, weighed out by a small handful of dedicated fans. Torn between his internal motivation and the series's reception, the creator took down all of the episodes in 2016 and shared new ones privately for the next few years. Later on, all existing material was accidentally destroyed, but then retrieved from the hard drive of a fan.
All episodes were reuploaded in 2019 accompanied by a fresh outlook from the creator. In response to a critical comment on one of the reuploads, cyanrazorCel said:
"I didn't need any people. Just me. And it's everything I wanted it to be."
The series frequently features musical interludes, especially during appearances of the Jazz Phone Radio.
Full list: Music used in Tintin Abridged
- In episode 5, Tintin's last name is said to be Theadventuresof. However, later in the same episode, Tintin claims to not have a last name. According to the creator, he used his fake last name because the signup form for his Jazz Phone Radio appearance required one, but not for a government-issued ID because he considers social security a joke.
- The music samples in the "Jazz Phone Radio" segments have inspired some fans to play Hotel Dusk.
- In spite of ambivalent sentiments from his characters, cyanrazorCel has gone to Chipotle hundreds of times, a huge fan of the restaurant chain. However, he claims that this might change as the result of a food poisoning incident in December 2020.
- Under a different name, cyanrazorCel created the first ROM hack to date of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets for Game Boy Color. This interest ended up causing him to choose some music from the game for scenes in this series.