Episode 1 Transcript (October 2010 by Abridgimon)
Tai (narrating): This is home, planet Earth. But I'm not entirely sure that's where I am right now. And this is Africa. But I'm not entirely sure that's where I am right now. And this is Chicargo. I'm pretty sure that's not where I am right now. And this is Israel. I'm really glad that's not where I am right now. And this is Alderaan. Yup! Real glad I'm not there. And this is camp! And I think this might be where I am right now. Oh wait! Yep, there I am. My name's Tai. I'm the leader of the Digi-Destined. Aaand that's Matt that's Sora that's Mimi that's T.K. that's Izzy that's Joe. And then, a blizzard happened!
Monitor: Don't eat the yellow snow! It'll kill you!
Kid #1: But what about the blizzard?
Monitor: Yellow snoooowww!
Tai (narrating): Everyone was freakin' out! But being the leader of the Digi-Destined, I knew exactly how to handle the situation.
Tai: What the hell just happened???
Mimi: Hey, what happened to all the adults?
Tai: Apparently, they all just left us here to fend for ourselves!
Mimi: What does 'fend' mean?
Tai: Okay, if things get really bad we eat Mimi first. And then Joe. Hey Izzy come out here! We could really use your computer smarts!
Izzy: Just a minute! I'm busy fighting a Lich King over here!
Tai: Izzy, this is really important-
Izzy: Yeah, yeah. (grabs phone) Hey Jeff? How come you're not online?
Jeff: Dude, the whole world's in chaos, my whole family just died in a flood'!
Izzy: So, you're not gonna make the raid...
Jeff: I'm literally over my neck in water right now!
Izzy: Whatever! I can't deal with your real life problems. (puts phone down while Jeff screams) Jerk!
T.K.: Wow! What is that up in the sky?
Sora: It's so intense!
Tai: Matt, are you getting this?
Matt: I can't even capture it on my camera!
Matt and Joe: (scream)
Mimi and T.K.: (scream)
Tai: (screams more)
T.K.: Are we dead?
Matt: I don't know. Are you in pain?
T.K.: Yes. A considerable amount, actually.
Matt: Then, no. No, we're... we're not dead.
Tai: Oh my god it's so beautiful!
Mimi: They look like angels!
Joe: Digital angels!
Izzy: Whatever they are, they're perfect! Completely untouched by human hands! (Tai grabs one) Nevermind.
Sora: Look! They turned into tamagochis!
Joe: Oh, mine just pooped.
Tai (narrating): And then, a huge wave washed us all up into another dimension! But being the leader of the Digi-Destined, I knew exactly how to handle the situation.
(everyone falls into the wave screaming)
Koromon: Tai... Taaaaiii... Wake the f*ck up bitch!
Tai: (screams) Please don't lay eggs in my stomach!
Koromon: Don't worry Tai, I'm not here to hurt you! I'm here to bond with you!
Tai: That's exactly what I was afraid of!
Koromon: This is gonna be so great, Tai! We're gonna go on an adventure! You and me, Tai and Koromon!
Tai: What the hell's a Koromon?
Koromon: I'm Koromon! And I have a statscreen! Just look at those ratings! Do you have a statscreen, Tai?
Tai: Uhh, no, I don't have-
Koromon: No! That's right! You don't! So shut up!
Tai: You kinda look like a talking anus...
Koromon: A talking anus with a STATSCREEN!
Izzy: Tai, is that you?
Tai: Izzy! It's not what it looks like!
Koromon: I have a statscreen!
Tai: Yeah, he has a statscreen.
Izzy: That's exactly what this guy's been tellin' me!
Motimon: I was just walkin' in and I thought I'd say hi.
Tai: (screams and drops Koromon) Another one? What the hell are these things?
Motimon: My name is Motimon, but you can call me Moti. I am your digital servant, I do anything for you, anything. Mmm.
Izzy: I'm getting a really weird vibe off this guy.
Tai: Yeah. You and me, both!
Tai: So, where are we exactly?
Koromon: We're in the Digital World!
Tai: Where is that?
Koromon: We don't know! Yay!
Tai: Well then, I'll just have to find out by myself!
Motimon: You're not using your hips, boy, use your hips, boy!
Tai: Koromon, can you tell Motimon to shut up?
Koromon: Should I show him my statscreen?
Tai: Yeah, do that.
Motimon: Show me whatever you want, boy. Mmm.
Tai: Oh, this is weird. I don't remember the camp being so close to the ocean! And I don't remember that mountain range being over there.
Koromon: Tai Tai Tai Tai Tai Tai Tai!!!
Koromon: Mmmmm statscreeeeeeeen!
Tai: I got it! Huh? Where is that coming from? Ah, I can't see because that giant beetle's in the way! And he's getting closer, Jesus! Oh, what do you think you're doing- Oh... oh... OH!
Tai and Koromon: Backflip!
Motimon: Oh no, that thing's so big and red and hairy and scary it gon' kill us all!
Koromon: That's Kuwagamon!
Tai: And what's his special ability?
Koromon: Killing us until we're dead.
Tai: It's official, camp suuuuuccckkkss!!!
Koromon: Kootie Breath Pitooie (spits bubbles)
Kuwagamon: Argh Unclean.
Izzy: Dude, while you were gone, that other pink guy made me a scarf!
Motimon: I thought you look sassy!
Koromon: Catch me! (repeatedly) Gah! Go to hell.
Tai: Little guy! Are you okay? Why the heck did you try blowing bubbles at that monster?
Koromon: It... usually works...
Tai: Well, why didn't it this time?
Koromon: Because somebody didn't freakin' catch me!
Izzy: Tai! He's coming back for another shot at us!
Motimon: Quick, everybody, over here! I know a couple of places...
Tai: Do you even know where you're taking us?
Motimon: You just pop in right after me! (Motimon, Koromon, Tai and Izzy enter the tree)
Tai: What is this place?
Motimon: I call it Chez Motimon.
(they all bow down quietly so the beetle doesn't know where they are)
Motimon: I think we're alone now.
Sora: Hey guys, what's the hibitty-haps?
Tai: Sora? How did you know we were here?
Sora: The internet. Guys, would you take a look at my flower?
Tai and Izzy: Yes.
Yokomon/Pyocomon: Hello. I am Yokomon. Very nice to meet you-
Tai: Yeah, yeah, that's great, get out of the way, I wanna see the flower.
Motimon: Hey guys, your party just gained a new member.
Tai: What are you talking abou- oh God, it's another one.
Tokomon: I am Tokomon!
Tai: And what's your ability?
Tokomon: To be Tokomon!
Tai: Okay. Anything else?
Tai: I feel sorry for the poor sap that got settled with you.
T.K.: Hey Tokomon wait for me!
Tai: Pfffft (laughs) That's too funny.
Matt: Hey guys, check out this kickass basketball
Tai: Huh, Matt, I don't think that's a bas-
Matt: You wanna play?
Tsunomon: Yes, play with me, if you dare. (laughs) But no, seriously, it'll be fun. Play with me. I'm bouncy.
Motimon: I play with you!
Joe: (screams) Somebody help! This thing won't leave me alone! It's so annoying and intrusive!
Tai: Oh, come on, it can't be that bad.
Bukamon: I love you! Me-sa called Bukamon! Me-sa your humble servant! Zis demanded by the gods, it is!
Joe: I have a bad feeling about this...
Bukamon: I speck!
Joe: What on Earth are these life forms?
Bukamon: We-sa be called...
All Digimon: Digimon! Digital monsters!
Motimon: Oh no someone in trouble oh no!
Mimi: Help! I'm being chased by something that isn't pink!
Tai: Doesn't this thing know how to quit?
Tanemon: Hey wait guys! I am Tanemon, and I have lots of useful skills-
Tai: Now is not the f*cking time! Wow! Talk about a cliff hanger!
Motimon: Oh, na- nah that was just nasty, why would you even say that? I bet you feel bad, do you feel bad? I hope you feel bad, 'cause- 'cause that was bad.
Koromon: Digimon! Roll out and transform!
Tai: Koromon, no, don't be a hero!
Koromon: Koromon, digivolve to... Agumon!
Pyocomon: Pyocomon, digivolve to... Piyomon!
Motimon: Motimon, digivolve to... Tentomon!
Tsunomon: Tsunomon, digivolve to... Gabumon!
Tokomon: Tokomon, digivolve to... Patamon!
Bukamon: Bukamon, digivolve to... Gomamon!
Tanemon: Tanemon, digivolve to... Palmon!
Tai: Well, that only took like FIVE HOURS! You do realise we could all be dead right now!
Agumon: Tai, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna eat your parents! Everyone, kill it with fire! (beetle starts burning) I can't believe that worked! I was totally winging it!
Tai: (laughs) Agumon, you did it, you saved us all!
(beetle comes back to life)
Tai: Agumon, you screwed up, you killed us all!
Agumon: At least I have a statscreen!!!
Tai (narrating): We were about to plunch to water on flighty death, but being the leader of the Digi-Destined, I knew exactly how to handle the situation... poop myself!